


This one's like the wilderness without the world

by sandyk



Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: F/M, post town hall, this story is pro abortion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 03:59:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14845280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: "I'm thirty four, Jonah, how much longer do I have to improve?""I think it's forever," Jonah said. "It's the journey of life. The circle of life."





	This one's like the wilderness without the world

**Author's Note:**

> Not mine, no profit garnered. Thanks A! Title from the national's i'll still destroy you.

Laurie stared down Amy. Laurie said, "You're pregnant. Why?"

"Um, sex," Amy said. 

"I know that," Laurie said. "I mean, you were begging me for a raise a few weeks ago. Now you're going to spend all that money on being pregnant and then you have a baby? Are you going to sell the baby, is that why?"

"No, no, I'm not," Amy said.

"I hear non-white babies are less valuable," Laurie said. "You're dating, having sex with him at least, that fellow who isn't the father."

"I think it's romantic that Jonah want to be with me even though I'm pregnant with someone else's baby," Amy said.

"Romantic is sending you flowers and chocolates. Maybe singing to you. This is just stupid. I didn't think you were stupid," Laurie said.

"This seems mean," Amy said.

"Like someone spending ten minutes talking to you about being a lesbian?"

"Oh," Amy said.

"Well, we're even now." Laurie gave her a tight smile. "I still think all of this is moronic.."

Jonah came up behind Amy and held her elbow. "Hey, that looked unpleasant. That seems like fun for our first day back after suspension."

"Oh, God, Laurie thought I was going to sell my baby. She thought that was the reason I was keeping the baby," Amy said. "Oh, God, she called me stupid."

"That seems really mean," Jonah said. "You want me to talk to her? Please say no, I don't think I can do that, actually. I hate talking to people since everyone saw my penis."

"They mostly saw your butt," Amy said. "Oh, God, why am I having this baby? I'm sixteen weeks along and I'm stupid and what am I doing?"

Jonah didn't say anything. Amy said, "I don't want this baby. I don't want to be pregnant. But I'm sixteen weeks along. You can't have an abortion when you're sixteen weeks along."

"Dina," Jonah said.

"You think Dina can do the abortion? Oh, no, no, Jonah, I like her but I don't think she's able to do that," Amy said. She wanted to cry. She didn't want this. She didn't want any of this.

"We're going to talk to Dina," Jonah said. He was still holding her elbow and he steered her towards Dina. Then Jonah said to Dina, "Amy wants an abortion, but she thinks she can't get one because she's sixteen weeks along."

"Nope," Dina said. "We're going to send you to Chicago. The place there will happily give you what you want. And we're getting you a hotel."

"Did you plan this?" Amy looked at the two of them. 

"No," Jonah said. "No. I mentioned to Dina maybe you might change your mind but no, no, I would never pressure you to have an abortion. That would be horrible. I support you, whatever you want."

"But the one who can afford it? That would be Jonah," Dina said. "He's also paying for the hotel. Just because he's the only one of us with any money."

"Oh," Amy said. "Okay. Oh, God, we have to do this soon."

"Great news," Dina said. "You have the next four days off."

"Are you going to change your mind again? It's okay if you do," Jonah said. 

"I know," Amy said. "I know."

She talked to Adam from Chicago. He took it really well. Really really well, like maybe he was glad Amy chose to do that after all the reality sank in.

The people at the clinic were super nice. Every time she cried or looked miserable, someone stopped and told her she didn't have to do it. Amy would say, "I'm crying because I don't know why I let it go so long."

Then it was all done and she felt a thousand pounds lighter. She went back to her hotel room and got comfy on the couch. She'd fallen asleep when suddenly someone was knocking on the door. Amy tugged on her robe and went to answer the door. She hoped it wasn't a mugger, she was in no position to fight someone off. 

It was a skinny older woman who had Jonah's eyes. Amy said, "Hello?"

"Hi," the lady said, "I'm Jonah's mother. He said you were in town for a medical procedure and I thought, well, that sounds like someone who might need really good chicken soup. It's matzo ball soup." Mrs. Simms held up a bag from a deli. 

"I had an abortion," Amy said. "Which is a medical procedure."

"Oh, oh," Mrs. Simms said. "I'm so sorry, Jonah wasn't specific. I pay his credit card so I knew you were here. I just wanted to say hi. He talks about you sometimes. Not a lot, because he tends to, he doesn't like confiding in me. But maybe you still want the soup? There's also some kugel."

"Oh," Amy said. "Kugel. Okay. Come in, then, I guess."

"Was it Jonah's? It's okay if it was," Mrs. Simms said.

"No, no. It was my ex-husband," Amy said.

"Let's watch movies," Mrs. Simms said. She pulled out the soup and some other food. Mrs. Simms had brought silverware and plastic bowls. They both ate. Mrs. Simms flipped through the channels. She said, "I don't have Jonah's taste in movies. I like comedies. I apologize again, I honestly thought you just had bunions or maybe an ear thing. That sort of medical procedure. But we can watch movies, let's do that."

"That sounds good," Amy said. "That's what I was going to do anyway."

They watched a delightfully bad film on Lifetime. Mrs. Simms said, "I had an abortion, too. In 1970."

"Before it was legal?"

Mrs. Simms sighed. "My family is rich, it was never illegal for us. I went to a perfectly nice doctor with a very clean operating room. I recovered like it was nothing and my parents never mentioned it. But the next year, a friend of mine at college, her cousin died from a back alley one. I felt guilty. It really wasn't until I went to college I was exposed to people who weren't wealthy like us. I think, possibly, I was a brat." Mrs. Simms had a smile just like her son. 

"Jonah's not like that," Amy said. "Not now."

"Sorry I intruded on your recuperation."

"Yeah, but you brought great soup. I mean, thank you, I appreciate it."

It didn't take long for Amy to lose the weight. She had no appetite. It wasn't exactly depression. It wasn't depression. She was beating herself up for all the stupid things she'd been doing. "That's super productive," Jonah said. "You're really making a difference in your life there. You made a decision and then you made a different one. I don't think you're getting very far here. Also, I'm taking it personally you won't eat my fajitas. Are they that bad?"

"They're a little mild," Amy said. "Glenn stopped talking to me."

"He'll get over it. Once Dina has her baby, he'll be over the moon happy and he'll stop dwelling on your sin," Jonah said. "Which wasn't a sin. Totally not wrong to a majority of Americans."

"Duh," Amy said. "Even Adam sounded relieved when I told him. Like he was trying to be upset."

"Anyway, if you're not feeling guilty or sinful, why are you so upset?"

Amy sighed. "I made my life a mess. I couldn't make my life work once I got divorced. How did that happen? I didn't make my life work before I got divorced. It took Laurie asking me if I planned to sell my baby for me to even wake up to how much I was fucking up my life."

"Your life isn't fucked up. It wasn't fucked up. Amy, come on. You and Adam are doing a great job with Emma, she's smart, independent, she expresses herself. You might hate your job, but you try really hard not to hurt people doing it. You take care of people. Sure, sometimes, you're bossy. Sometimes, you think you're better than the rest of us. But, if you were perfect, you'd never get to improve," Jonah said. He smiled at her. 

"I'm thirty four, Jonah, how much longer do I have to improve?"

"I think it's forever," Jonah said. "It's the journey of life. The circle of life."

"Oh, God, Lion King?"

"I'm trying here. Have you thought about counseling?" Jonah grinned at her. He really was sort of a porcelain beauty. Even with the whole beard and mustache and floppy hair thing he had going to hide his identity. 

"No, I don't need therapy, Jonah, I'm not, well, you," Amy said. 

"You're sweet," Jonah said. "Still working on the whole feeling like you're better than other people, I see. But no, I didn't say therapy, I meant more like counseling, like, talking to a group of people who have similar experiences."

"Group therapy for divorced women who don't have their shit together? What kind of advice would I get from them? Would we share tips on how to mess up our lives more? I'm sure there are ways I've missed." Amy sighed. "I don't know."

"Here's a thought. You deserve to be happy. Maybe try something new. Something else. You know what you're doing now isn't making you happy. Except maybe when you're doing me." He blushed, adorably. 

"No, definitely when I'm doing you, I'm happy."

She was extra energetic in bed to make up for her therapy remark, also, because Jonah turned her on with the floppy hair and patchy beard and mustache. He should have gone with that look a long time ago.

The next day she went to the iTunes store and looked for things under 'fix my life.' She also tried 'life after divorce.' And 'sex tips' just for fun. She downloaded a few apps. She subscribed to a podcast. Three podcasts. And decided to start reading some advice columns. Way better than counseling, she thought.

Dina looked over her shoulder while Amy was playing with her phone. "Habit tracker? Why track your habits, they're all bad."

"To have habits that aren't bad?" Amy entered 'get a tattoo' under goals. And 'skydiving.' Also 'be nicer to Jonah' and 'make sure Emma goes to college.' 

"Add 'get a decent job.'" Dina nodded. "And have some morning after pills stocked at home."

"Thanks," Amy said. "That's super helpful. Any other habits you think I should develop?"

"Stop doing that thing with your hair," Dina said. 

"Got it," Amy said. 

She listened to her podcasts on the way home. She was desperate for guidance. She was turning her life around, any day now. It was so soothing. She could listen to the advice and then figure out how she would apply it to her life and then not do it. But she could pretend it was the secret she needed. She'd figure one thing out and then everything would be better. 

Jonah loomed over her shoulder at home, just like Dina, while Amy read on her laptop. "Oh, I'd avoid that one. You know what, you should read this one." He had his arms around her and he typed in a URL. Different advice columnist. He bookmarked it. Then he typed in a few more and bookmarked those.

"Of course you love advice columns," Amy said. She leaned back into his arms. 

"This is what you're doing instead of actual counseling?"

"Yup," Amy said. "I told you, I'm not getting counseling or anything. I can do this on my own. Also, it's way cheaper and I'm so poor."

"You're adorable," Jonah said. He kissed her head. 

Everything she read and every app she used made it very clear she couldn't do it on her own. She hated admitting that to Jonah. Even if Ask Polly said she should. Fuck it, Ask Polly made her cry, she didn't know how much she should trust that lady. She drove to a support group for divorced moms way in the suburbs. She realized as she walked in the door that maybe she'd made a mistake. Out here, maybe no one was having trouble making ends meet. 

Everyone went around and introduced themselves, and it was reassuring, half the women were struggling to find a job or felt underemployed. Only some of them were underemployed. Amy didn't even have the worst job. 

Amy forced herself to listen to the other ladies. She forced herself not to offer any advice. She'd really taken Ask Polly to heart. She would have an open heart or something. Her open heart was drowning, everyone was miserable. Everyone was trying to be better and piece together their lives. So she wasn't alone in being completely lost, that seemed like a real accomplishment to realize that. 

Amy went back to her apartment. Since Emma was with Adam, a schedule Jonah had obviously memorized, Amy came home to Jonah naked and asleep in her bed. He hadn't even bothered with a sheet or blanket. She ran her hand down his chest. His eyes opened slowly. "Hey, sweetheart. How was the support group?"

"How did you know I went to one? I was trying to hide that."

He reached out for her boobs. He loved her boobs. He said, "You're not really good at it. I don't mean that in a I'm smart way, but my intense anxiety makes me really observant."

"The intense anxiety from us having sex broadcast to the world?"

"I had it before," Jonah said. He pulled her forward by her underwear. "It's just a lot worse now. People still recognize me. It got uploaded to Pornhub three times today, you know."

"And that friend of your dad's got it taken down," Amy said. "I'm sure your psychiatrist already said that."

"I didn't see him today. Can we have sex? Do you want to?"

Amy said, "Yes, I do." She stripped and then pushed on Jonah's hips until he was on his back. She ran her hands over his dick and balls. He really loved to manscape. So nice and smooth. She licked her hand while meeting his eyes because she loved to watch him get turned on. He was a little easy. Like she felt like she was always on top with him and they both liked that. She said, "I like feeling on top, do you like when I'm on top?"

"Oh, fuck yeah," Jonah said. His voice was so low and raw. 

She loved riding his dick, scratching his chest, feeling him arch up into her. They really had such great sex. 

She liked waking up with him, he spooned around her and he was so much shorter than Adam it was a much better fit. His arm around her was so comforting and only a little sexual since he was asleep. She shifted and went to the bathroom. Amy liked her place best when Jonah was there even if she wasn't exactly ready to move in. Emma was much happier with Amy now that Amy had had the abortion but things weren't exactly great. Emma hadn't warmed up enough to Amy or Jonah for Amy to feel comfortable with all of that in one apartment. 

She made herself coffee and drank it while she caught up on her advice columns. She'd been reading archives, too. Maybe, she thought, this time she'd find the one that framed her problem and someone would tell her what to do next. She just needed to know what to do next. 

She came up short again. She went to some stupid website where she could just write down her thoughts. She sighed. She wrote about the for sure good things: she was not having a baby she didn't want. She wasn't having a baby she couldn't afford. She hadn't let herself choose the most miserable path for once. Jonah was a good thing. She was being nicer to him. She tried to help him, to support him, in his big anxiety nervous breakdown. Most of the time, he covered really well. But sometimes she would see him in the break room, staring blankly at the wall, his hands clenched tight in his lap. Then she would just sit next to him and rub his nearest bicep. She didn't try to fix him. He did make her happy. Being with him was a good thing that made her happy. Emma didn't loathe her. Emma had good grades. Emma was a good person. Emma had friends she cared about. Amy had an okay relationship with her parents and her sister and the rest of the cousins despite the abortion. Amy still had a strong friendship with her brother who had told her straight up the minute she said she was pregnant that Amy needed to get an abortion. Amy had a best friend in Dina. A very weird best friend. Someday Glenn would talk to her again. He was barely holding out. 

Bad, bad so much bad. Her budget was a shambles. She'd been suspended for four weeks and then she took four vacation days. Both she and Jonah had had their pay docked for their inadvertent sex show. Glenn had wrangled raises for a bunch of people out of Traitor Jeff but Jonah and Amy got less. Amy's budget was a shitshow.

She should let Jonah do it. She never trusted Adam to do it so she did it herself but clearly she was making a mess of it. 

She owed money and she would never catch up. She was one injury or ER visit away from missing the mortgage payment. Adam couldn't make up her slack. Adam was dating again. Somehow that was bad. Like, why was his life in so much order?

She still didn't have a tattoo and she hadn't taken skydiving lessons. She wasn't great at repairing her relationships. She didn't even know why she had to. Cheyenne hadn't been so great to her. Had she really ever been such a fucking monster? Where Cheyenne and Mateo had been rating her and calling her a loser. She sighed.

Okay, Amy thought, the one things she'd decided was to let Jonah maybe deal with her budget. So that was a step. 

They did it at work over break, which was stupid, but the break room was mostly deserted. Jonah said, "Let's start with our balance sheet." He looked at all her bills and how much she owed. On the other side, he put her general monthly salary. He said, "Well, you're fucked. But let's see what we can do."

At the end of the hour, because why not take an hour break, right? Lots of people actually did. She wasn't even sure she'd clocked out for this break. Jonah said, "According to Zillow and Trulia, the value of your house is pretty high. Talk Adam into selling it, it would help. Also, get a better job."

"Which I won't," Amy said. 

"How do you know?"

Amy shrugged. "I've applied to those places before."

"What are those places and when was before?"

"Target, Costco, every big box where I'd make more than here. So everywhere but Walmart because there is a place worse than Cloud 9," Amy said.

"And?" Jonah had such an annoying look on his face, like he was about to demonstrate how stupid she was. 

"They brought me in for interviews and I never heard from them again," Amy said.

"When?"

"A few years ago," Amy said. "You know it will be worse now, I have a reputation for union activism and a sex tape."

"How old was Emma?"

Amy shrugged again. She mumbled. When Jonah glared at her, she said, "I think Emma was five."

"More than ten years ago, okay, that's not valid," Jonah said. "And yes, you have some negatives. But just be upfront about it and maybe they'll see past it." He fiddled with the spreadsheet he'd set up on the borrowed laptop. "This is how much easier your life is when your salary goes up two dollars and your deductible is only three thousand. I think that's worth updating your resume and writing a kickass cover letter."

She looked at the new numbers. She said, "Okay. No one's hiring the union activist with her own sex tape, but sure, let's try it." She looked at his smiling face. "We won't be working at the same store if I get a better job."

"If you get a better job, so will I," Jonah said. "Not at the same store, but something like that. No more Laurie."

"No more Dina," Amy said, frowning. "I like it here, Jonah."

"You really don't," Jonah said. "You like some of the people. You like the familiarity of it, so you don't have to challenge yourself. No criticism, that's what I like, too. But to be clear, no way you love your Cloud 9 job."

"Well," she said. She stared at the opposite wall, remembering when they'd remodeled the break room with her found money. She remembered Jonah telling her to treat herself. Then she thought about how ignorant she'd been, sitting there pregnant. If she'd had the baby, she'd have had to do all this. She said, "Okay, but they won't interview me."

She was wrong. She got all the way to an offer at Costco. It was actually two dollars and fifty cents more per hour and they laid out her schedule and benefits. Everything was better than Cloud 9. 

Amy nodded numbly. "Once you've been here a little longer we can look at floor supervisor status, I'm sure you did great at Cloud 9, but we promote from within first."

Amy said, "Gotta wait until I'm within." She smiled like an idiot.

The interviewer laughed. "When can you start?"

"Two weeks," Amy said. 

Glenn totally started talking to her again, begging her to stay. She was crying every night when she got home but Jonah was right. She'd seen her budget. She smiled and told Emma it was all for the best, despite all of the crying Amy was doing. Cloud 9 wouldn't change. Cloud 9 had already made up its mind about Amy Dubanowski. She promised Dina they would still hang out. She ignored Mateo's angling for her job, like Amy had anything to do with it. 

They even threw her a party. Glenn was still crying through it. The cake was horrible. 

At Costco, she was going to be Amy Sosa. Her name change had finally gone through. She even wore the same nametag every day. 

She came home from her first day and Jonah was, naturally, already at the house. She and Adam were putting off selling it. Changing jobs felt like a big enough step for Amy. It was about all she could take. It was kinda more than she could take. Jonah had ordered in for them. He didn't even try to cook for special occasions. "Okay, what better job are you getting?"

He smiled. "I applied for yours but Mateo beat me out. No surprise there. I put my resume in for a temp agency, how's that?"

"Is that actually better?" She missed Cloud 9 a lot. 

"It is, because it's all office work. I start a three month job next week. Glenn is inconsolable, by the way." Jonah looked a little down himself. "I'm going to lose all my quad strength from standing all day because I'll be dying from prolonged sitting. So there's that."

"Is this really all a good idea?" She sat down with their take out and picked at things. 

"You're gonna like your new paycheck," Jonah said. 

"Will you? You actually loved Cloud 9."

"Cloud 9 with Amy," he said, forcing a smile. "Plus, I think I've distilled it down to why I love Cloud 9 and part of it is having no real responsibility and no skin in the game. Being a temp is kinda the same thing."

She made sure to go to Cloud 9 whenever she knew Dina was working. Dina said, "You don't need to keep coming around."

Amy could tell Dina was lying. "You're my best friend, and Mateo is actually hilarious now that I don't care what he does. Like, viewing him in the abstract without having any authority over him or having to wonder what he said to the customer who's about to walk up to me. I'm sure Mateo thought it was perfectly in line."

Dina had decided to keep working until she went into labor. "The plan is I power through the birth and get back to work in two weeks."

"You can't power through labor," Amy said. "I think you should prepare yourself for not having complete control over this birth. Things don't happen the way you want. Please don't use my life as an example when you talk again."

"I'm in control of this, this will go my way," Dina said. She sounded desperate. 

"I'll keep my fingers crossed for you."

Amy was getting used to Costco. She actually enjoyed it. It felt weird, of course. It was all different. She got along pretty well with her coworkers. They were different from Cloud 9 in subtle ways. Also not subtle ways. Very few missed days because of meth highs. People did miss days because they were off to the doctor. They would go when they got a cold or an ear infection. They just went. The managers didn't try to figure out if people were faking. She almost wanted to write Ask Polly and tell her things had gotten better. Also, Polly would appreciate Amy was still going to her support group for lost and loser divorcees. She was learning things and growing and sometimes she offered her fellow losers advice and they liked it. 

Amy was telling Jonah a story about her supervisor at work and how weird he was. 

"Yes, caring management is the worst," Jonah said. 

"People try," Amy said, confused. "I try, too, but everyone is trying. I got paid for overtime last week for one hour that I stayed late. Jonah, it's too weird."

"You should definitely go back to Cloud 9," Jonah said. 

"Maybe you should try for Costco, they have great benefits. Maybe your psychiatrist would be cheaper," Amy said. She tried not to be snarky about it. It was a good thing. He was even getting better. 

"My parents' wealth is the best benefit plan in the world," Jonah said. He frowned as he said it but they both knew it was true.

"Wouldn't you like to stand on your own a little?"

"I stand on my own," Jonah said, a deeper frown on his face. "My family pays for my excellent health insurance, sends me a small allowance, but I pay my own rent. And lots of other things."

"Sure," Amy said. "Sorry, sorry. You do stand on your own."

Dina went into labor three weeks early. She refused to allow anyone but Amy in delivery room. "You might want to let Jerusha and Glenn in after the baby comes," Amy said. 

"No fucking way," Dina said. "I will not have Glenn Sturgiss see my vagina looking like this."

"Okay, okay," Amy said. 

Dina actually had a pretty easy labor, mostly. She kept trying to power through the pain and being upset when it didn't work. "I am in control," Dina said.

"You're really not," Amy said. The doctors and nurses had stopped trying to talk to Dina besides simple commands. Dina was really in super scary mode. Amy said, "Just take deep breaths and think about the money when this is over."

"Why would you ever do this without getting paid? What was wrong with you?"

Amy said, "I was nineteen." She laughed a little. "If you want to, if the baby is something you want, it's something you can endure." 

Dina finally had the baby and then allowed Glenn and Jerusha in. "Cut the cord and then he's all yours," Dina said. 

"You don't want to breastfeed?" Jerusha was already crying with the baby in her arms. 

"No, not at all," Dina said. "Congratulations. It's all yours. Good work everyone. Get out now. Not you, Amy."

Amy patted Dina's forehead. Then she said, "How do you feel?"

"Empty and in pain," Dina said. "An unbelievable amount of pain. That goes away, right? Don't tell me. How are you doing? Moved in with Jonah yet? Is he still a receptionist?"

"Jonah will never ask me to move in, I think he's, you know, he made that mistake before. So now he won't ask at all. He's waiting for me to ask. But I don't know. Emma, you know," Amy said.

"Emma, such a great excuse," Dina said. 

"Jonah likes being a receptionist. They love him there. He's pretty and he has a great phone manner. You know, he's pleasant to strangers," Amy said. "I'm going to sit with you for a while, okay?"

Dina nodded. "I'd do it for you."

Amy understood that was Dina's idea of a thank you.

She kept visiting Dina after she went home. Every time Amy came, Dina was trying to do push ups. Amy said, "No, no, no."

"Hollywood stars go back to work three weeks after birth, I'm better than they are," Dina said. 

"So," Amy said to Jonah later. "I told her she was totally better than them, but just not rich enough, she didn't have enough personal trainers, or a private chef. If she had all that, she would totally be back to work in two weeks."

"She believed you, of course," Jonah said. 

"Thank God, she did," Amy said. "She's still insisting she'll go back to work in a total of four weeks."

"So, two weeks from now."

"Basically," Amy said. She wondered how long it would have taken her to go back to work if she'd carried to term. She would have gone back to Cloud 9 so soon, right before she ran out of money. She was an idiot. She had been an idiot. She was so close to doing better. She could do better. 

She'd stopped listening to her podcasts and she only read the advice columns when they updated. She wasn't really looking for an answer, per se. She wanted to feel confident about her life. That didn't seem like much to ask. She wanted to stop questioning every decision. 

She didn't question having Jonah in her life at all. She loved waking up with him, he was all floppy hair and bleary eyed freshness. He seemed so unbroken, in a way. Not that he walked around in some fragile doll like way. He had a lot of inner strength. 

They had a lot of sex. She felt like Jonah knew her body so well. He was respectful, unless she didn't want him to be. But he enjoyed it a lot more, they both enjoyed it a lot more when she was the one being rough. 

When she finished her first ninety days at Costco, she had an actual, real evaluation. Not with Glenn or someone who felt bad about firing the most incompetent people in the world. They were very pleased with her. She felt a little proud. They said she worked hard and got along well with her coworkers. She seemed like a natural leader and they wanted her to shadow some of the supervisors one day a week. She was moving ahead at work. 

She pulled up her bank app and some of her credit card apps. None of it made her panic. She almost panicked at the thought. 

Jonah picked her up from work. He had moved on from his first temp job and was now at his second. The second one really super loved him. They gave him a raise after his first two weeks, they so super loved him. 

She told him about her evaluation. "Now I actually have some vacation time. And, like, savings. Thank you for all your help budgeting."

"I had a thought about that," Jonah said. "You know what I looked up today? Skydiving vacations. There's none in Missouri, but you could go to Utah and they will teach you to skydive and take you skydiving and it's a week. You can definitely afford it. Vacationing and learning to skydive and all those things you want to do."

"Can you get the time off?"

"Me? I would rather go back to business school than go skydiving. I hate the idea. I really really hate the idea, I can't tell you how horrible it sounds to me. But, I was thinking, you could go by yourself," Jonah said. 

"Maybe Emma would want to go," Amy said.

"She's too young, you have to be eighteen," Jonah said. "Go by yourself. Just have fun. Stand on your own."

"I can't afford that," Amy said. "Flying to Utah, staying in some hotel, all the money paid to the tour people, there's probably some insurance or something."

"You can afford half of all that. I priced it out while you were away," Jonah said. "The other half is my birthday present to you."

"It's nowhere near my birthday," Amy said. She couldn't possibly do that. She couldn't leave for a week. She would be blowing most of her savings. She assumed she would be blowing her savings. Jonah had yet to mention a number. 

"Nope, your birthday is a few months away," Jonah said. "On your actual birthday, I'm getting you a card and that's all."

She told Dina about it. "You should go," Dina said. She'd gone back to work after a month, just like she'd promised. Every time Amy saw Dina she was doing crunches on the floor like a maniac. Dina said, between crunches, "You should totally go. Get away from everyone, jump out of planes. Why would you say no?"

"I've never gone on vacation by myself, what would I even do? Talk to myself a lot?"

"Learn how to jump out of a plane. Besides, you'll be surrounded by people. Annoying, smelly people sitting next to you on the plane, irritating, arrogant people on your trip with you. You'll be begging for alone time," Dina said. 

"Got it," Amy said. "Do you wanna go?"

"No, I just got back to work," Dina said. "I do want pictures. If your instructors are hot, that's what I want pictures of."

So she went. Jonah had done tons of research for her, about packing, traveling, keeping herself safe. She felt a little overburdened with information. She was positive she couldn't repack her suitcases. 

But then she was in Utah and the instructors were not hot enough for Dina but they were actually really nice. She actually got to skydive and it was awesome. She should have done this years ago. They got to do even more dives before the end of the week which was even more awesome. She jumped out of planes and she didn't die. It was just as awesome as she imagined. When the day was over, she would go back to her hotel room and it was just her. She could spread out on the bed. She could stay up late. 

Her hotel room was really small and the bathroom was okay. She didn't have to clean any of it and she decided she loved that. She talked to Emma and Jonah every day with updates and pictures. Emma sounded actually excited about doing it with Amy when she was eighteen. Emma was excited about something related to Amy. Emma had been furious about the pregnancy, and only slightly mollified by the abortion. The inadvertent sex tape pissed off Emma so much. Understandably, Amy got it. She had no idea how to feel about any of it. But now, finally, Emma had found some sort of peace and was actually excited about things.

There was a tattoo parlor in town so Amy figured it was time to get all her goals accomplished. She did it the night before she left.

It was also painful which made the whole trip home even worse. Jonah met her at the airport, right outside security. She fell into his arms and he smelled like work and Jonah. He wore suit pants all the time now, and non-plaid button downs and vests. It was Jonah so he never bought anything polyester or rayon. It was probably organic cotton. She said, "Traveling by yourself is awesome, but coming home alone is awful. Also, my tattoo hurts. No one helps you get through the airport." She snuggled closer. "Can we move into together?"

"Sure," Jonah said. "Is that because Adam decided to sell the house? Are you going to keep hugging me?"

"Nobody hugged me for a whole week, Jonah. Nobody. I'm used to sleeping alone a few nights a week, but then Emma is there in the morning and I can still force her to hug me. I'm used to having sex three times a week, Jonah. It was a long week." She squeezed his skinny body. He needed to eat more. She said,"Yeah, Adam is getting married, can you believe it? And he wants the money. He sent those inspectors. Why were you at the house? I had just done a solo dive, so I just agreed, yay. We should move in together." 

He kept hugging her. He said, "I have a lot of stuff at your place. It's closer to where I work. I'll start looking for a place. Three bedrooms, two baths?"

"Four bedrooms," Amy said, not thinking. She thought about it. "Yeah, four bedrooms. We can have a guest room." For now, she thought. For now. She did want another kid, she wanted one she planned to have with someone she loved. She closed her eyes and snuggled into Jonah's chest. 

"You got a tattoo?"

"Emma's birthday in a bright geometric flower, it looks awesome. It hurts so much. I have to put diaper rash ointment on it," Amy said. 

"Cool, do we have to buy that? On the way home? If we ever go home?"

"We have to go home, I really really want to have sex with you," Amy said. She let go of him reluctantly, and headed to the baggage claim. "Plus, I bought you a gift."

"Ooh, presents," Jonah said. "What did you get Emma?"

"Something different that cost more, of course," Amy said.


End file.
